Are You Creating the Very Team You’re Frustrated With?

Oct 1

4 min read

September has been filled with conversations with executives and directors who are frustrated, overwhelmed, and exhausted.

A common theme keeps surfacing:

“Why won’t my team take more ownership?”

They’re tired of being the person everyone comes to for answers. Tired of making every decision. Tired of solving problems that someone else should be able to solve. And tired of feeling like nothing moves forward unless they are involved.

Then, during a coaching conversation today, one leader had a powerful realization.

She jokingly admitted that she has some “slight control issues.”

She told me how incredibly clear she is with her team. She explains exactly what needs to happen, exactly how she wants it done, and often exactly what steps they should take to get there.

And yet, she couldn’t understand why her team kept looking to her to make decisions.

Then it hit her:

“I think I created this monster.”

That realization is worth sitting with.

What Are We Actually Training Our Teams to Do?

Sometimes, without realizing it, we train people not to think.

When we continually spoon-feed the answer…

When we jump in the moment someone struggles…

When we fix the problem because it’s faster…

When we tell people exactly how to accomplish something instead of allowing them to determine the path…

When every decision eventually has to come through us…

We may be creating the very behavior that frustrates us.

We say we want ownership, but our leadership communicates:

“Wait for me.”

We say we want initiative, but when someone does something differently than we would have done it, we correct the method—even when the outcome was perfectly acceptable.

We say we want problem-solvers, but we solve the problem before they have the opportunity to wrestle with it.

And eventually, people learn.

Don't make the decision. Ask the boss.

Don't take the risk. Wait for approval.

Don't figure it out. She'll tell us what she wants.

That isn't necessarily a motivation problem.

Sometimes, it is a leadership-created dependency problem.

Leadership Is Not About Creating Minions

Most leaders don't actually want a team of people who simply follow instructions.

We want people who think.

People who notice opportunities.

People who identify problems before they become crises.

People who ask, “How could we do this better?”

People who streamline processes, communicate well, challenge assumptions, bring ideas forward, and take responsibility for moving the organization forward.

But we can't develop those people while simultaneously making every decision for them.

At some point, leadership requires us to stop proving that we know the answer and start developing people who can discover answers without us.

That can be uncomfortable—especially for high-capacity leaders.

Because giving the work back means someone might do it differently.

They might struggle.

They might make a decision we wouldn't have made.

They may even fail.

But struggle isn't always something leadership needs to rescue people from.

Sometimes the struggle is where leadership capacity is developed.

Before You Answer, Get Curious

The next time someone brings you a problem, notice your instinct.

Do you immediately tell them what to do?

What would happen if you paused instead?

Try asking:

“What do you think?”

“What options have you considered?”

“If I weren't available, what would you do?”

“What decision do you believe needs to be made?”

“What do you need from me in order to move forward?”

Then—and this may be the hardest part—allow them to think.

Silence doesn't mean they are incapable. It may simply mean they aren't accustomed to being expected to find the answer.

The Leadership Mirror

If you're frustrated because your team isn't taking enough ownership, before asking what is wrong with them, take a look at your own leadership.

Ask yourself:

Where am I asking for ownership while still holding tightly to control?
What decisions am I making that someone else on my team could—and should—be making?
Where have I confused “my way” with “the right way”?
When someone brings me a problem, do I develop their thinking or simply give them my answer?
What am I afraid might happen if I give my team more freedom to decide?
If I disappeared for 30 days, what would come to a halt because I haven't empowered someone else to own it?
Am I building people who need me—or leaders who can eventually replace me?